Love and Regret
I got a letter in the mail yesterday. It was small and sort of hid itself along with my bills and junk mail. When I noticed it, I grabbed it and instantly knew it was from my aunt and uncle that live in London. I was excited as I don't hear from them very often due to distance, schedules, life, etc.
Once I opened the letter it was a small Christmas card, but inside was a pamphlet; I unfolded the pamphlet and it was a funeral announcement with my Uncle Ron's name at the top. My heart sank and instantly I was filled with sadness.
When I read what my aunt wrote inside the card it actually made me feel worse. Allow me to paraphrase:
Uncle Ron passed away on October 28th. I didn't have a phone number for you or your mother. I was able to get your address from Maureen.
While I was sad on many levels, the thing that might have made me the saddest is that I learned about the passing of my uncle almost two months after the fact.
- This is the man that took me to my first cricket match as a child.
- This is the man that randomly bought me a boomerang after my 7th grade year when I spent the summer with them. We took that boomerang to the park and threw it until we figured it out and nearly killed ourselves in the process.
- This is the man that converted a card table into a snooker table with colored tin foil balls because a young kid from America loved watching snooker on TV.
- This is the man that took me to my first professional football match to see Chelsea play...before they were good.
- This is the man that walked me around the Parthenon, lovingly telling me all about it, as Greek history was his passion.
- This was the man who had the most pleasant Welsh accent, a calming disposition, and a beautiful laugh.
- This was a beautiful man whom I am going to miss immensely.
Yesterday, I was troubled nobody had told me. Maureen (mentioned in my aunts letter) and her husband Ed knew how to get a hold of me but decided not to. Worse yet, I had talked to Ed on the phone a week earlier, literally, and he didn't mention anything. I don't know why, and frankly it upset me.
All of this brings me to my point; yesterday I was upset with everyone but myself. Today, I am only upset with myself. For the last 5 years I had been so caught up in my own life I had neglected to keep in touch regularly with people I love very much. In this case family. Sure, I could justify it by blaming it on the time difference, or everyones busy schedules, but the attempt would be hollow.
I'm thinking that perhaps people took my non-communication as indifference and that is a hard pill to swallow.
I will regret not being able to say goodbye to my Uncle Ron for the rest of my life. It's cliche but true; don't wait to tell the people you love that you love them. One day, in a blink, they might be gone, and the regret and emptiness that's left behind is painful.
I don't want to experience this regret again.
